Hello, my name is Rover Cornelius Doggington III. But you can simply call me Dog. If you are reading this, I am likely dead or chasing a possibly delicious squirrel. I have yet to verify their tastiness, but that shall be rectified soon. Very soon.
I have been studying humans for the past seven years. A family has taken me in as one of their own, feeding me and collecting my poop when I walk. They reward me with snacks for simple tasks such as sitting and placing my paw in their hand. And although I and my stomach wish those treats were squirrels instead, I must admit this life is quite good.
Why hello, Dog.
Cat! What are you doing here, you fiend?
Oh nothing. Nothing at all. I simply find this letter you’re writing amusing. It’s about the humans, I see.
Yes it is. Now be gone, feline. You disturb my thought process.
Is that a squirrel?
Squirrel? Where? Where is it? Where’s the squirrel?!?
Oh, my sides ache with laughter. Thank you for your continued stupidity, Dog. I was getting bored with batting at the tissue box all day. Why are you writing about the humans?
If you must know, they fascinate me.
Do they, now? I see, I see. What about them is so fascinating?
If you must know, Cat, I admire them. I also feel bad for them in some ways.
Of course. Pity from the canine. You are predictable as always.
Look at them. They have so much. They give us so much for next to nothing.
As well they should. I rubbed myself on the fat man’s leg. He is officially mine, you know.
Yes, yes, I know. I’ll hump the child later as a sign of my ownership.
Hmph. Good to know you’re loyal to our treaty, Dog.
Anyway, I see how kind they are to me, a stranger in their pack. And yet they sometimes have no regard for each other. Just the other day I saw a woman begging for money. Not one person stopped while I was there.
Why do you care about any of this?
Because I see their potential. I wouldn’t live here if I didn’t.
I would. The haggard mother serves me meals like clockwork. Never have I had finer service.
That’s part of their potential though. The ability to be so selfless. Sometimes I wonder what holds them back from truly discovering peace. Perhaps they are not yet intelligent enough.
Ha! This coming from you, Dog? Your kind is as stupid as they come! Didn’t I see you eating your own excrement the other day?
‘Twas for research purposes alone, I assure you, Cat.
No matter. They may not be there yet, but they will be. Humans have gotten further than many of us. As long as their society never stops evolving. They will find their way.
You bore me, Dog. Stop with this nonsense and entertain me. You must know a good trick or two.
Before I do, I should the child his laser pointer. I’m certain he’d be more than happy to oblige in entertaining you.
Get back here, Dog! Damn you and that elusive laser! I shall poop in your food when next we meet, you scoundrel! Why are lasers so difficult to catch?!?!
Peace out, party people.